Zen Pencils

I've always felt a little bit out of place. But when I feel really sad about it, these words of Timothy Leary, illustrated by Zenpencils remind me not to worry.
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You aren't like the others

Virtual Reality

"Video games are for lonely people"
I discuss a lot of things with a lot of people but this topic always gets me fired up. I disagree with the above statement to the nth degree.


A person that agrees with such a stereotypical and cynical statement is credulous and has clearly never played a video game or is blatantly envious of expert video gamers. No one ever says "Books are for lonely people". If you say you're an avid reader, people assume that you are cultured and intelligent. Video games also tell stories but they do it by interacting with the player.


Isn't that a wonderful way to tell a story? When I was a young child, I used to adore interactive books. One of my favourite children's books was one that had a latex dragon puppet that could be manipulated by the reader. Video games tell you a story by letting you BE the protagonist. You not only read about their experiences but you can hear and see it. You can virtually walk in their shoes.


There's also a large misconception that video games are unhealthy. This is the 21st century. How can this be believed? It has been proven scientifically that video games can improve:


1.  motor skills, particularly hand-to-eye co-ordination.
2.  vision. First person shooter games like Call of Duty can improve vision in cataract patients.
3.  decision making skills. Most games require quick reactions and decisions.
4. Your happiness. They provide an outlet to vent your frustration and hence reduce stress and depression.


Video games are a hobby or passion just like reading, writing, or sketching. It's escaping into a different reality which is what most artists do. Gaming should be considered another form of self expression? You can tell a beautiful story by creating a simple pixel RPG. People can live your story, virtually. 


Video games also host a large forum for people to meet and interact. I know couples who have met through virtual reality and are in happy relationships. Virtual chat instigates friendships and enemies just like the real world. Gamers arent always introverts (though I am one) but wouldn't you like to be friends with someone who shares your interests? Gamers find other gamers. We're a large community and we're not lonely.

Tomboys don't exist

I'm a big fan of video games. I was playing Assassin's creed revelations and yelling "DIE! DIE! DIE!" at the TV in a frenzy. I was sitting hunched up, My hair was tied up in a messy bun, I was in my PJs, I had my glasses on and my face was sweaty and scrunched up from concentrating on killing this horde of Janissaries. My older sister and her friend were deftly pinning up their hair while I was expertly escaping from the Janissary camp. Their faces were flawless, their outfits were trendy and accentuated their shapes, their hair was shiny and perfect. They both looked extremely beautiful as they were getting ready for a night on the town.  They both looked over to me and exclaimed that I was such a tomboy. I burst out laughing.

I don't think tomboys exist.

 Yes, the scene I depicted doesn't paint a very feminine picture of me but that's just one side of my multifaceted personality. I've always thought of myself as a stereotypical girly-girl. I'm careful about my hair, make-up and outfits. I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe that "Happily ever after" does exist. I watch beauty videos, cooking shows and hair tutorials. I read romance and fiction with an insatiable mania. I'm always worried about being a lady and conducting myself with poise, elegance and charm.

Do you still think I'm a tomboy?

I think every woman has a dominant feminine side but we all have our vices. Mine just happens to be video games. I know many other girls that love to talk about cars, electronics, sports and other "manly" things. But at their very core, they fuss over their outfits, hair or behavior. All women want to be noticed as women.  Hence, I say tomboys don't exist. It's just another stereotype designed to deteriorate a girl's self esteem.

Progress

My tens walls were whittled to six and I'm glad to say that finally the rubble has been cleared away and I've built some new walls.

Two walls had crumbled from the impact of the  lies and arrogance launched at them. The rubble from these two has been cleared away. They will not be rebuilt.  It makes me sad that I've lost people that were so important to me because of such petty human errors. But I don’t regret it because I've found some beautiful diamonds in the rubble.

The wall that was breaking due to vanity has been rebuilt. The cracks are still visible and the wall may yet crumble, but for now, my friend needs me in her life. And I'll be there for her for as long as she'll have me.

Also, I've built a new wall. A strong, thick wall, decorated with beautiful memories. This wall is a little distant from where I stand but nonetheless it is important. This new wall I've built with the utmost care. I've supported it when it was vulnerable and new and I've leaned on it when I felt like all my walls were crumbling. This wall is cemented with respect and understanding.  This wall is for my brother. He's moving away but he and I will always stand by each other. To me, that's what really matters.

Broken Armor

I was the one to find my mother inches away from death. Her robotic voice and the obscure words she said to me before I saw her, terrified me beyond belief.  No one can connect with that. The thought of losing something so precious is inconceivable to every child. No one else can understand how you feel, even if their story is similar. We all go through a different hell. I think Stephen King aptly described that emotion in his book, 'The Shining' when Danny Torrance, the protagonist, is forced to face the thought of his mother being murdered.

"Yet he could not equate these simple symbols with the shifting complex reality of his mother; she satisfied his childish definition of eternity, She had been when he was not. She would continue to be when he was not again. He could accept the possibility of his own death, he had dealt with that since the encounter in Room 2.13.

But not hers.

Not Daddy’s.

Not ever."

The only thing that helped me overcome my dark time was the love, support and comfort my family and friends supplied me with. My true family came to visit and did everything in their power to help. They sent food, money, and good wishes. They did so out of love and loyalty and not obligation, and they might never know how indebted to them I  truly am.

My real friends kept in touch. They listened to me vent, they hugged me and held me close on the days I could do nothing but cry. They told me I was beautiful when my face was streaked with tears and when my hair was messy. They supported me and understood when I got uncontrollably upset for insignificant things. They knew, as did my family, without me telling them, that my armor was broken and that I had lost a part of myself.