She watched him move lightly, across her screen. She was
watching him be raw and emotional and adventurous. She loved it when he behaved
like that. So excited it infects you, slight sprinkle of mania to it. Another episode ended on another
cliff-hanger. She had to see more of him, so she hurriedly clicked “Play Next
episode”. She settled in to her sofa again. Her wide eyes fixated on him again,
this time her lashes were wet. He was saying such sad beautiful things. Her
heart thumped in her chest. Her poor darling! She just wanted to hold him and
tell him it’d be okay. Stand next to him and feel his fiery energy, maybe feed
some comforting energy back at him.
Her father called out to her. She sighed. She put a hand on
her heart as if to help hold all the pain inside. She’d have to leave him for a
second, but she’d come back.
Her father proceeded to remind her to study, reminded her
that she had to do well in school so that she could take care of the family.
Reminded her of her _responsibilities_ . She was tired of hearing about her
responsibilities. She shot out a quick burst of lies to appease her dad and
walked back to her room.
Once safely tucked in her room, she glanced at the screen
again. She felt a headache. She felt a tightness in her chest. She sat down at
her laptop and looked at his face again. All at once she realised that she’d
never meet him, never know him. This wasn’t even really him, it was just a
character. He wasn’t real. But her life was real. Her responsibilities were
real. She put her hand over her mouth
this time, she didn’t want anyone to hear. She ground a curled knuckle into an
eye and then the other one. She couldn’t watch him anymore, knowing she’d never
meet him. The fantasy was -too broken now.
She closed the tab.
