Who I Am

I recently came across all my school certificates and medals. There are various kinds from all the way back in 2003. Ten years ago. Finding those awards really made me think about all the changes that have happened in ten years.

Ten years ago, I was in third grade. In 2003 I was a very reserved child. Yes, I was shy but I have to insist that I was a reserved person because I didn't like fraternizing much. I have always been an introvert.  Back then, I used to make a HUGE tantrum about going to school. I never wanted to go. I didn't like my classmates, I usually liked my teachers and my study material but I never liked going to school. Maybe I had an extended version of the Monday Blues all week long. I'm still not sure. But all I knew when I was that young was that I didn't like school. 

This shy girl is from 2006

I wasn't the type of girl who had many friends. Even to this day, I have very few friends. I was a judgmental child, very defensive and I disliked any rowdiness from other children. As a result, no one really liked me. Who could blame them? I was the one who thought she was better than them. And I frequently showed it. So I quietly settled in with my books. Fiction was my friend. While I was immersed in fiction, I felt understood. I felt like I belonged. All through my elementary and middle school years, I spent my breaks with my nose in a book. I read at every interval i found; in the bus, in free periods and sometimes during P.E. Even today, I love to read. 

If you look at my school certificates, you'll find a pattern. There are countless awards for spelling bees, elocution contests, and public speaking. There are quite a few awards for varying levels of performance in ASSET tests (distinguished, creditable and outstanding performance). My good grades in ASSET tests were only because of my paperback companions. They taught me the English language and all its wonders. 

As a little girl in school, I remember two teachers who took me under their wings and pushed me. They really showed me that I would make a good writer. Tr. Brenda and Tr. Anjali encouraged me to enter countless competitions in English. I am a writer today because of these two teachers. If either of you are reading this, please know that I am so grateful to you. You showed me a way to express myself. You took a quiet, shy little girl and unleashed her voice. "Thank you, teacher."

Now, in 2013 if you ask my friends for words to describe me, they'll use: Courageous, Caring, Vivacious, Loyal, Confident and Funny. I am blown away by how much I have grown. As a child I was:

• Cowardly. I was frequently bullied and pushed around. 
• Rude. My sharp tongue was my defense mechanism against my bullies. 
• Self- Conscious. I was awkward and I was always searching for an identity. I wasn't pretty, funny or very smart. I didnt have a label and it worried me a lot in school. 
• Shy. I didn't think anyone would enjoy hearing what I had to say. As a result, I was afraid to speak my mind. 

I am an (almost) adult now. From eight to eighteen, a child can grow into a completely different person from when they started out. At eight, I didn't know who I was. At eighteen I can tell you: I am Sasha. I write. I play video games. I philosophize. I enjoy TV dramas. I want to be a doctor. I am fiercely loyal to my family and friends. I believe in ghosts and God and demons. I think good and bad is subjective. I have a special connection with animals and nature. I am Sasha. 

Sasha. 2013.

And right now that's enough for me.